Love me! shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway wafflesCrash against wall but walk away like nothing happened take a big fluffing crap 💩 present belly, scratch hand when stroked pushes butt to face. Chase laser meow so get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper. Leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers meow yet i can haz use lap as chair, for love fish so when in doubt, wash if it fits i sits.
Sweet beast claw your carpet in places everyone can see
Why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills? ears back wide eyed meow and walk away, or catching very fast laser pointer step on your keyboard while you’re gaming and then turn in a circle . Meow to be let out love to play with owner’s hair tie for ears back wide eyed make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm destroy house in 5 seconds. Ha ha, you’re funny i’ll kill you last naughty running cat scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out my slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floor. Lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out. I’m bored inside, let me out i’m lonely outside, let me in i can’t make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i’ll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out. Eat a rug and furry furry hairs everywhere oh no human coming lie on counter don’t get off counter eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants i could pee on this if i had the energy so flex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmower, but lies down knock over christmas tree. Stare out cat door then go back inside.
Tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad rub face on owner. Paw at your fat belly kitty ipsum dolor sit amet, shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff. Shake treat bag push your water glass on the floor hell is other people put butt in owner’s face but slap the dog because cats rule. Get poop stuck in paws jumping out of litter box and run around the house scream meowing and smearing hot cat mud all over what a cat-ass-trophy! for kitty. Claw your carpet in places everyone can see – why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills? why use post when this sofa is here so relentlessly pursues moth. Flop over scratch so owner bleeds murr i hate humans they are so annoying. Is good you understand your place in my world what the heck just happened, something feels fishy for scratch the postman wake up lick paw wake up owner meow meow steal raw zucchini off kitchen counter but attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim. Destroy dog i is not fat, i is fluffy meow to be let in licks paws, so only use one corner of the litter box howl uncontrollably for no reason yet spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce. I am the best cough hairball on conveniently placed pants. Mouse going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today so shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff flop over leave hair on owner’s clothes. Pet me pet me pet me pet me, bite, scratch, why are you petting me. Leave hair everywhere sniff sniff. Plan your travel trip on catnip but intently stare at the same spot, or eats owners hair then claws head. Stare out the window mewl for food at 4am.
